In all areas of my life I consume beyond need: Food, drink, things, information.
And I produce, boy do I produce. I am loathsomely uncomfortable in relaxation mode. Without a goal, a project
or a deadline I become anxious.
Our culture drives and rewards the consumers and producers. Or is it the other way around? Since you produce you may reward yourself with consuming? Is this the story I have been fed since birth?
Like many artists, I am obsessed with my work. It doesn't feel like a burden. Being able to spend long hours in the studio is a gift, a joy. It brings me great pleasure.
But where is my on/off switch? Certainly I was born with one. I misplaced it somewhere in the all consuming, not enoughness.
Tomorrow is my day of rest. My Sabbath. At 6 o'clock tonight I will enter into a 24 hour period of rest and, yes, anxiety. I will embrace the anxiety without excess wine or food and emerge stronger.